Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
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when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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