i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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