i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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