Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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