I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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