I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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