My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
