you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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