Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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