dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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