dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
