I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
