I wanna bring you to show and tell
Your tits are I can't wait for
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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