I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
