my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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