Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
