I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
