Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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