what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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