i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I sprained my soul last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
