I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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