I got chris browned last night
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
