be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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