Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
