i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I got inside last night via doggy door
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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