So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
