Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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