Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
