You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
