WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
