I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
