Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
