Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
