Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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