I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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