summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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