I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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