I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
