Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
