Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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