i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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