I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You can't special order awesome
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
