Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
