This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How's work?
Spinning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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