Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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