I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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