So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
