I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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