I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
