i don't plan on having that self control this summer
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
