Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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