You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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