Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
