remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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