I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
