literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
