it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She needs sedatives and a leash
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
