Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
