how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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