just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
