Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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