I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
