And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
