Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
