is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
