I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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