i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
