im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
