I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
