his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
