Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
