have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
