I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
