My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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