oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
