Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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