I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
