sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
