when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
