this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
